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Yup, Still Depressed

So, I haven’t blogged about anything really break-up related in a while and there’s a reason for that. Pretty much everything is exactly the same as it was two and a half months ago. I still am half owner of a house I will never live in, still waiting to get my money back, and I still struggle to get through just about every day of the living hell that is my life. I’m still sad, all of the time (I cried in the middle of a restaurant last week), and I nearly have a panic attack every time my phone makes a noise because I’m afraid it might be a text coming from him, and they usually don’t say anything nice or uplifting.

I’ve logged onto the Verizon website numerous times and put his number onto the “block” list, but I haven’t been able to pull the trigger and hit submit.  I also realized, after going on about 4 dates, that I am definitely not ready to be dating anyone. Number one clue was that I was inadvertently dodging any kind of contact and cringing if it happened. So that’s on hold until I can actually feel emotions besides rage and sadness again. A friend asked me how I was doing the other day, and the best answer I could come up with was “depends on the day, anywhere from train wreck to fine.”  I really think that’s the only answer right now, and I want to feel better than “fine” someday soon.

Despite the cloud of depression constantly hovering over me these days, I still managed to have a fun weekend. Just like last year, the roommates and I threw a family BBQ that involved lots of wine and delicious food.  Photo montage coming at you in 3…2…1…

Hopefully the ridiculous faces I’m making in the pictures help counteract the depressing first part of this post. Happy Monday?

8 Responses

  1. You’re allowed to be sad still. You had an awful breakup, and it takes awhile to stop hating life after something like that. The point is that you’re trying, and you’re getting out and having fun and doing stuff. Even if you’re fighting to hold it together, it’s a damn good start.

  2. You have every right to still be upset and/or not ready to be out there yet. Even though the breakup is over, the other drama attached is still ongoing and you need to get that cleared. I think once it’s all resolved (fingers crossed for you!!) you will feel 10000% better. Keeping my chin up for both of us! ❤

    PS – the last pic of you and your sis? ADORE IT!

  3. I’m sorry you’re still dealing with the emotional and other fall out- but it is completely understandable (and I hate to say it, “normal”) to be feeling that way at this point! Time WILL make it better, so keep doing what you’re doing. Sometimes simple distraction is the best medicine!

  4. Totally understandable, girl. I’m still so sorry for what you’re going through and I want you to feel better than fine as soon as possible. Hopefully our fun upcoming events will help a bit.
    Love you!

  5. It looks like you had a fun weekend and that is important! I cant imagine how much youre going through but youll come out stronger!!!

    ps where is your chambray shirt from?!

  6. I am so in love with the magnetic hat picture. I feel like it should your avatar, but only for selfish reasons… and I’m glad you had a fun weekend, hang in there and I promise there will be many more 🙂

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