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In a Rut

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in a huge life rut.  Normally I try not to bitch and moan too much on here, but there comes a point when you just need to let it all out or you explode.  So yeah, today is that day.

Rut # 1 is my job.  I’ve been working at the same place for almost 3 years, and receive nothing more than I did when I started.  I’m a contracted employee which means I’m not technically a “real” employee of my company.  I don’t get paid sick time, it took me 2 years to acquire 10 vacation days, I don’t get promotions, raises, benefits, included in company holiday parties, or to do summer hours.  With summer rapidly approaching, the last one is really annoying me.  The rest of the “real” employees are given the option of working an extra hour a day every other week and getting that every other Friday off, but not me.  There was supposed to be something in the works for me to become a “real” employee but nothing has been said about it for over a month.  So frustrating.

Rut #2 is my leg.  I never ever thought I would miss running so much in my life.  I’ve been injured since January 31, and the lack of running and exercise in general is slowly driving me insane.  The slow and steady weight gain over the past few weeks isn’t helping either.  Lately I find myself going through extreme exercise guilt if I don’t go workout.  Last night my knee and hip were just feeling off, so I didn’t go swimming and it killed me all night, even though somewhere in my head I know it was the best decision in the long run.  There are so many time I just want to burst into tears in frustration.

Rut #3 is my personal life.  I never planned to live at home for this long after college.  Next month will mark three years since I graduated, and I’m still at home with no foreseeable move out in the future.  I have three friends in the area where I live, and  I met them through work.  One is engaged, one lives with her boyfriend, and one is about to live with her boyfriend, so they’re all very busy girls which leaves me with a lot of time on my hands to do nothing.  Almost every single friend from college lives in the Northern Virginia area, and they are all together, which constantly leaves me feeling alone and left out whenever they talk about weekend plans or weekday happy hours.  Then there is the latest, the bf is moving six hours away to go to law school in August.  While I’m very happy for him, six hours by car is a lot different from an hour and a half train ride, and it’s going to be a lot harder to see each other.  On top of which, there is no way for our relationship to move forward now until law school is over.

So there it is, the things that bring me down on a daily basis, sorry to be such a downer today, but sometimes it’s just impossible to find something cheery to write about.  Ok, moving on to better things like food!

The “real” employees attended a luncheon at PF Chang’s yesterday afternoon (I was not allowed to go) so naturally I was craving Chinese food all day and decided to give in.

Steamed pork dumplings, a vegetable spring roll, and chicken lo-mein.  It was delicious and the first time all week I had take-out so I didn’t feel too guilty about it.  The only thing now is the huge amount of leftovers in my fridge, good thing the bf is coming to visit today, I’m sure he’ll take care of that.

I have PT tonight, at which I fully tend to express my concern about feeling like shit this week, and then I’m picking up the bf from the train station.  It’s supposed to be a great night so I took some chicken out of the freezer to defrost to have a bbq later.  I promised the bf I’d take him out to dinner to celebrate law school, so I think we’re going to go somewhere in Philly on Saturday.  Philly girls, any suggestions?  I also think we’re going to the zoo :).

Alright that’s all from me today, I hope everyone has a great Thursday!  Oh and P.S. Modern Family and Cougar Town were fantastic as always last night!

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34 Responses

  1. You definitely shouldn’t apologize for having a “downer” post. I mean hey, it’s your blog AND it would be weird if you always were happy on here.

    Dinner suggestions…huge fan of Mercato…it’s a BYO I went to with some girlfriends last year and we STILL talk about how good it was. Also, Audrey Claire is another super cute, quaint, BYO that is good! Went there for my Bday with the BF.

  2. I’m sorry you’re feeling so down about everything…it sucks being away from everyone. I moved to Annapolis with 1 friend who was engaged & although it has worked out I still haven’t made many friends here and I feel very lonely all of the time! & that whole thing about not being contracted and not allowed to go to the “staff only” stuff I’d say screw it! That stinks that you’ve got to feel like an outsider at your job…and the no benefits would give me enough reason to just peace out entirely! Have you considered maybe applying for jobs closer to where the BF will be moving or is that too soon?

    • ps – I’m not too far from Philly! If I’m headed up that way any time soon I’ll for sure let you know! 🙂

    • I’ve thought about moving to DC, which is where all my college friends are, but it is soooooooo expensive, and still 3 hours or so from where the bf will be. And hey if you are ever up this way definitely let me know!

  3. Yo. As a person who lived at home with a crappy job half a country away from all my college friends (with a persistent knee injury!!) for about two years out of college, holy hell do I know where you’re coming from. It sucks. The big one. The only consolation, if it is one, is that I kept on reminding myself that it wasn’t ME that was depressive, it was the shit storm of lousy circumstances that was keeping me down. These are legitimate crummy things to deal with, but I promise you there are ways out. Little steps, you know?

    have fun @ the zoo, btw

    • Phew, good to know it’s not just me. I feel like if at least my leg would get better I would feel so much more positive about other things in life. Thank you i’ll be sure to take tons of pics of cute animals.

  4. 1. Quit your job! Life is too short. I quit mine 3 months ago because I was miserable and it was the best move I ever made.
    2. yoga?
    3. MOVE to wherever it is your BF is going. Get a shitty job and a shitty apt. It’s the coolest thing ever. When I graduated from college I was making $8/hr and living in a $400/month shithole apartment and I had the time of my life. No matter how broke I was, it was sooo much better than living w/ my parents!

    Good luck! 🙂

    • I wish I could quite, but I have so many school loans, and a car payment, and car insurance, I would never be able to pay them all. Also, I don’t think the bf is quite ready to make that move, so that’s nto really an option either.

  5. Rut #1 would really kill me too. I’m technically a contractor for my company as well, but we do get benefits. Maybe you should bring it up again and let them know you’re not happy? I was at a company for 3 years as well and I was unhappy. After I said something I felt SOOOO much better.

    Hey, living at home has perks! You can save money!! Not many of us can say that.

  6. I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I know this might sound odd but have you and the bf talked about living together? Maybe you could move with him? That could solve the job and living situation rut??

    • We have, sort of, but the school he is going to is in the middle of nowhere and I wouldnt’ be able to find a job that would allow me to still pay my bills. Basically the only thing there is the school.

  7. Aw Kelly, I wish I could give you a BIG hug!!!! Like others have said, have you thought about moving with your bf? Maybe that could be the answer to all of your problems… aside from the physical things. Of which I completely understand.
    Sometimes life just doesn’t go like you planned but everything works out in the end.

    • Thank you 🙂 The thing with where the boyfriend is moving is that it’s in the middle of nowhere Virginia, so I wouldn’t really be able to find any sort of job there.

  8. Ugh….so frustrating. And corporations these days are doing whatever the hell they can to screw people because sadly, they can get away with it. I feel you on this one…

    Hang in there? ;-/

  9. I think feeling like you’re in a rut is normal at our age. I definitely feel it.
    I dont have an education (which is the only thing I have ever regretted) and now going to school means that many more years before I can start my “life”.

    If it helps, I JUST moved out of my parents house in August. And only because I was told to leave. I wish I knew how to get out of the rut, but I have no advice for you. I was a contracted employee for my first year at the bank, and that totally sucked. Im at a new job now, and I can take vacation and all that, but if I do, no one covers for me and I just come back to monster piles of work so I dont bother taking time off.

  10. i’m not sure if this will make you feel any better, but i think a LOT of people go through these similar emotions post- college. it’s such a change living in the real world.

    that being said, i wanna smack your employer for you! i can’t imagine telling someone they cannot come to a lunch that everyone else in the office was going to! that’s riiiidiculous. seriously, i’ll smack them. just tell me where to go! 😀

    • Yeaaah it happens a lot, there’s so many things I can’t do that the other employees can. By all means, please go right ahead and smack them 🙂

  11. I’m sorry you’re feeling in a rut. Many people our age go through these same feelings and you are definitely not alone. My BFF is feeling basically the same as you are about her job and personal life. It’s hard, I know. 😦 As for the weight gain, do you think that b/c you’re swimming more, you’re gaining more muscle mass? Don’t worry about the number on the scale. Just go by how you’re feeling. But I’ve been there done that on being sad about not being able to run due to injury. It stinks.

    Hang in there pretty lady!!

    • Hehe I tell myself I’m just gaining muscle mass to make myself feel better. Unfortunately I can also notice a little bit more of a belly, so I don’t think it’s just that. Sigh, perhaps I should cut back on the pity party with wine bottles? haha

  12. Aww Kelly I could have written that myself. Same thing; graduated 3 years ago, career seems to be going nowhere and I’m a sub so not a “real” employee either, shitload of loans to pay for and very little saved up to move out. And like you my friends are either married, pregnant, engaged, or working and in school full time…no social life and way too much time to think. So anyway know that you’re not alone! It was nice to see that maybe I’m not the only one who doesn’t have it all figured out yet… we’ll get there, right?

  13. I think a lot of us 20-somethings feel that way. I know I’ve felt every single one of your “ruts” in some way or another! Theres actually a new term more—quarter life crisis!

  14. Ugh I’m sorry you’re in a not so good place. But its all part of life (as annoying as that sounds). We have ALL been there –nothing going right.
    I’ve heard the ‘quarter life crisis’ term too… and it’s absolutely true! As twenty-somethings we expect ourselves to have it all figured out and when we don’t…catastrophe!

    FEEL BETTER…. you get to see your bf this weekend and then the meetup next week!!!

    I love Farmacia for dinner… or Audrey Claire on 20th & Spruce is one of my all time favorites… and a BYOB 🙂

  15. Awww, so sorry girl. I’ve definitely been there before– I was feeling really down and “in a rut” this past winter. The work situation definitely sounds like it sucks, but I completely understand why you would stay there– it’s a job!!

    And on the friend front, I totally understand– since moving to Altoona in July, my husband and I have basically made two friends, total. And they are 40, and have a baby. Which is fine, but it doesn’t exactly make for wild nights out on the (nonexistent) town.

    Keep your head up– I definitely find that things go in phases. A good phase is bound to be around the corner!

  16. Aw, lady, so sorry you are feeling in a rut. Would it help if I gave the bf a little talk about how law school was the three worst soul sucking years of my life? 😉

    Hope things start to look a little up, and that the leg starts to feel better so you can get back out on the road!

  17. I think we all get this feeling at some point post-college. It’s absolutely happened to me too. The economy certainly doesn’t help :(. Hang in there!! We can only hope that very soon the job market improves and we can enjoy the lives we worked so hard in college to acheive!

    – Beth @ http://www.DiningAndDishing.com

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