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In a Rut

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in a huge life rut.  Normally I try not to bitch and moan too much on here, but there comes a point when you just need to let it all out or you explode.  So yeah, today is that day.

Rut # 1 is my job.  I’ve been working at the same place for almost 3 years, and receive nothing more than I did when I started.  I’m a contracted employee which means I’m not technically a “real” employee of my company.  I don’t get paid sick time, it took me 2 years to acquire 10 vacation days, I don’t get promotions, raises, benefits, included in company holiday parties, or to do summer hours.  With summer rapidly approaching, the last one is really annoying me.  The rest of the “real” employees are given the option of working an extra hour a day every other week and getting that every other Friday off, but not me.  There was supposed to be something in the works for me to become a “real” employee but nothing has been said about it for over a month.  So frustrating.

Rut #2 is my leg.  I never ever thought I would miss running so much in my life.  I’ve been injured since January 31, and the lack of running and exercise in general is slowly driving me insane.  The slow and steady weight gain over the past few weeks isn’t helping either.  Lately I find myself going through extreme exercise guilt if I don’t go workout.  Last night my knee and hip were just feeling off, so I didn’t go swimming and it killed me all night, even though somewhere in my head I know it was the best decision in the long run.  There are so many time I just want to burst into tears in frustration.

Rut #3 is my personal life.  I never planned to live at home for this long after college.  Next month will mark three years since I graduated, and I’m still at home with no foreseeable move out in the future.  I have three friends in the area where I live, and  I met them through work.  One is engaged, one lives with her boyfriend, and one is about to live with her boyfriend, so they’re all very busy girls which leaves me with a lot of time on my hands to do nothing.  Almost every single friend from college lives in the Northern Virginia area, and they are all together, which constantly leaves me feeling alone and left out whenever they talk about weekend plans or weekday happy hours.  Then there is the latest, the bf is moving six hours away to go to law school in August.  While I’m very happy for him, six hours by car is a lot different from an hour and a half train ride, and it’s going to be a lot harder to see each other.  On top of which, there is no way for our relationship to move forward now until law school is over.

So there it is, the things that bring me down on a daily basis, sorry to be such a downer today, but sometimes it’s just impossible to find something cheery to write about.  Ok, moving on to better things like food!

The “real” employees attended a luncheon at PF Chang’s yesterday afternoon (I was not allowed to go) so naturally I was craving Chinese food all day and decided to give in.

Steamed pork dumplings, a vegetable spring roll, and chicken lo-mein.  It was delicious and the first time all week I had take-out so I didn’t feel too guilty about it.  The only thing now is the huge amount of leftovers in my fridge, good thing the bf is coming to visit today, I’m sure he’ll take care of that.

I have PT tonight, at which I fully tend to express my concern about feeling like shit this week, and then I’m picking up the bf from the train station.  It’s supposed to be a great night so I took some chicken out of the freezer to defrost to have a bbq later.  I promised the bf I’d take him out to dinner to celebrate law school, so I think we’re going to go somewhere in Philly on Saturday.  Philly girls, any suggestions?  I also think we’re going to the zoo :).

Alright that’s all from me today, I hope everyone has a great Thursday!  Oh and P.S. Modern Family and Cougar Town were fantastic as always last night!