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Shit My Boyfriend Says

I’m actually stealing this idea from Marie, because her two SMHS posts have cracked me up, and not a day goes by where something doesn’t come out of Darren’s mouth to make me roll my eyes and shake my head.  A little background on my love.  He uses Facebook so rarely that his profile picture is a good five years old, until he actually came with me on a blogger meet-up he was convinced I was going to be murdered by one of them some day, he doesn’t read my blog and asked me if it was ok if he never did.  I’m not at all sure why he has a smart phone, he owns guns, he wants to send me MACE.  Uh, profanity to follow because he curses like a trucker.

“I swear to god if u put one live, laugh, love sign up in our house I’ll fucking kill you.”

This made me laugh because naturally, the girls and I have this decorating our living room:

(Still on the same topic) “Honestly though, is there a class all these women took in college on how to be cliché and typical?”

In response to a picture of Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes I sent him:
“Seriously, women have terrible taste. It’s why u guys look so ridiculous a lot of the time.  Heels with big pointy toes look fucking dumb.”

“I told you I wouldn’t be good at this relationship thing.”

Him: “You wanna see the only thing sexier to me than you?”
Me: “Sure.” (fully expecting a picture of a porn star’s ass or something)
(sends picture of a paintbrush to my cell)
Him: “Brand new 2 1/2 inch purdy clear cut baby.”

Life is definitely never boring :).  Anyway, last night I hit the gym for a lazy 3 miles at 9:40 pace just to shake out the soreness in my calves.  I’m swearing off the heels this week, and will be foam rolling before Sunday just to prevent any additional pain.  I’m a little more excited for Sunday now, because the roommates have promised to meet me at the finish line and then we are going to brunch, so at least I will have the thought of mimosas at the end making me run fast.

So it’s Tuesday, that blows, but the roommates and I are having taco night tonight, which is always delightful.  Not delightful?  The fact that I’m still wearing a coat and scarf in almost April.  Come on Spring, where the hell are you?

24 Responses

  1. HAHA!!! Darren is funny!!

  2. haha there should be a book on ‘the things guys say’. seriously, some of things that come out of their mouths are noteworthy haha

  3. Hahaha love it! He’s hilarious.
    Take the mace though – you’ve watched Criminal Minds, you know the shit that can happen. If you could get it in Canada without a permit, I’d have some too.

  4. 🙂 He definitely made me laugh.

    And, I’m not sure what it is with boys and mace, but I’ve def had multiple bfs provide me with mace to carry while I run. “Just in case”

  5. Mexican food always makes a day better! Or maybe it was the beer that did it last Friday for me?

    Had I known he was so nervous about our meetup, I may have used crazy eyes and done a couple really weird subtle things just to mess with him… lol

  6. My BFF has that “always kiss me goodnight” thing framed above their bed and I know her husband thinks it is awful. But you can always play the “if you really love me…” card, that usually works. 😉

  7. Your BF is definitely a character! Love it! Mimosas would inspire me to run faster as well! Maybe I should hint that to my bf for after my half in May. 😉

  8. LOL I love this. Reminds me of my boyfriend. ❤

  9. haha live laugh love – hilarious. Reminds me of my husband. Decorating with him is…. challenging. I keep threatening him with this ‘keep calm and carry on’ wall art. LOL

  10. Agreeed neeeeed springtime!!

  11. It’s fucking cold here. I come down to DC for nicer weather than Boston.

    Haha Darren is hilarious. Shit my boyfriend says is a genius idea. I say make it a weekly thing. For real.

  12. What a fun post!!! I want to try one of these!!! That’s too funny about the shoes thing.. I often wonder why we kill ourselves to wear heels!

  13. Haha!!!! That sounds JUST like my boyfriend!

  14. Haha, I love it. Guys are hilarious.

  15. […] he’s always amused me, I had no idea that you all would find the Shit My Boyfriend Says, Part I, II, III as funny as I do.  Please don’t tell him that […]

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