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A Case of the Sads

So, it’s safe to assume that anytime I go missing from here for an extended period of time it’s because I’m having some sort of mental meltdown. I haven’t blogged since last Thursday, which I think in the nearly three years I’ve been doing this, is a record.  Do with that information what you will.  Because internalizing my issues just makes me a nasty bitch, I thought I’d finally talk about them here.  But the main point is just this, I am very unhappy.

I hate the way I look right now, and cringe at almost every picture I see of myself.  This wouldn’t bother me so much if I wasn’t working out 4 days a week and eating nothing but grilled chicken, vegetables, greek yogurt, egg whites, and fruit.  Seriously, I eat so well, work out a lot but cannot seem to lose a single pound.  If anything I just keep putting them on.  It is the single most frustrating thing, and I’m really about to lose all hope.  I feel disgusting in my body and avoid mirrors.  Yup.

I do not look forward to coming home at the end of the day.  Maybe there’s a certain age when everyone gets too old for roommates, and maybe 27 is that age for me.  I tend to stay at work until 6:30 at night, whether it’s actually at my desk or in the gym, just to put my arrival home at the end of the day as late as possible. I feel uncomfortable in my own home, and like I have to walk on egg shells not to annoy anyone.  I’d go home every weekend, or somewhere else at least, if I didn’t have the cat back with me now.  She hates the car.

Compounding my sadness about my current living situation is the fact that I now officially have somewhere to live that I’d much rather be, but can’t.  Darren is getting all moved in and settled and painting things, and buying things, and I get pictures of it.  Our bedroom is painted and has furniture and I can’t be there to see it or use it.  Sure I’ll be there in a week for a visit, but then I’ll leave again for two months before I can go back again.  It’s my first house too, and I want to be able to be there to fix things up and see it and make decisions regarding paint colors and furniture.  Instead I just shop online and ship things there, and it’s not that fun.

I know most of these things will take care of themselves eventually, but when I think about trying to get through 6-8 more months I want to curl up in a ball and cry.  Anyway, thanks for indulging my complaints.  I do have some pictures, which are fun, so let’s take a look.

The benefits of your S/O being a professional painter, free painting! That ceiling fan already has a replacement, it’s black.

I realize those paint colors look a little blue, but they’re not.  We used Sherwin Williams City Scape below the chair rail and Sherwin Williams Argos above.

Furniture in the room

I posted about the furniture we chose already, but now you can see it in the actual room.  I initially didn’t want it under the window, but it fits the best this way, and with the headboard we have actually works because it still lets in the light.  The furniture is also black, and do I wish we had white trim and windows? Yes, unfortunately I lost the battle to paint the trim in the entire house. Sigh. Oh, and patio furniture!

I know the orange cushions may look a little ugly, but I’m convinced they won’t be that bright in person, and if they are, well it was $399 for all of that so we can buy new cushions.  Anyway, so that’s what I’ve got for you today.  Sorry for being such a downer after having gone missing for a week.  Happy Thursday?

I Would Like to be a Boat Person

In order to avoid what was bound to be terrible traffic on our return trip from NY to VA, my roommates and I opted to come back on Sunday afternoon. We even employed a driver to chauffeur our exhausted and hugover selves.  Just kidding, Dani’s boyfriend was nice enough to drive us home as we all slept.  A 5:30 pm Sunday arrival home meant we had all day Monday to relax and gear up for the week.  Or to hang out in the sun on a boat all day, whichever.  We chose the boat.

prepping the boat

after driving around for a while we anchored the boat so we could all float around

There was also the required lounging on the front of the boat in the sun

Drinks and food were also present, obviously

Going under the Bay Bridge

Happy Memorial Day

There’s nothing like a day on the water to really tire you out, and I crawled into my bed at 9:30 on Monday night.  Tuesday morning came wayyyyy way to early for me, and I’m still recovering from the weekend as I write this.   I keep telling Darren he needs to make friends with someone who has a boat so we can go out on Lake Michigan, haha.

Anyway, so that’s my final post about the long weekend.  Other things going on this week?  Well even though I knew yesterday was Tuesday, I didn’t think about it when packing workout clothes and had to wear shorts to spin.  My thighs are not thin enough to wear shorts to spin.  It was uncomfortable, to say the least.  Luckily it was only 30 minutes of it before we moved over to the group fitness room for the boot camp part of the workout.  Then, I almost barfed.  It was awesomely intense.

I’m still trying to figure out why it seems impossible for me to lose weight these days.  I work out hard, I eat a balanced diet (with the exception of Sat or Sun sometimes) and it’s really beginning to frustrate me.  I don’t know what else I could possibly do besides just eat vegetable and plain chicken, and that’s something I don’t really think I could do for an extended period of time.  I really just want all my summer clothes that I bought last year to fit, I don’t think that’s asking too much.

Anyway, I just started watching Game of Thrones and am intrigued not even all the way through the first episode.  Mostly I like that they didn’t kill the baby wolves, but I’m a sucker for cute animals.  That’s all I’ve got today, hope you’re all enjoying your Wednesday!

oops

On Saturday I accidentally bought $45 tinted moisturizer.  Today, unfortunately for my wallet, I fell head over heels in love with it.  You see, apparently I was function with only half a brain yesterday, and laid out in my backyard for a good 4 hours.  With my sunglasses on.  The whole time.  By the end of the day, I looked like this:

ridiculous

Have you ever seen such a prominent sunglass tan before?  So yeah, I couldn’t show up at work today looking like a raccoon, so I broke out the new moisturizer this morning and gave it a whirl.

no more raccoon eyes!

I am also loving the dewy look that comes along with this stuff.  As someone who never really wears makeup to work and hates, hates using foundation, I really love how light this is and how much it evens out my skin tone.  It’s the Laura Mercier Illuminating Tinted Moisturizer, and I got the Golden Radiance shade.  Full disclosure, I picked it up because my favorite swimsuit model and fiance of the sexy John Legend, Chrissy Teigen, said she uses it, and her skin always looks fabulous.  Anyway, I love it, and I guarantee I go through it way too quickly.

So besides the ridiculous sunburn on my face, I had a great weekend up in PA.  Friday night was dinner with my mom, and then Saturday I drove into the city bright and early to get my hair done.  I added some blonde highlights to it, and I’ll post a picture as soon as I have a good one.  I love it though, and I feel so summery, especially with my newly acquired tan.  My sister was flying in from San Diego on a flight that landed at 7:30, so after my hair was done I spent some time visiting my favorite places in Philly.

beer and pizza at Pietro’s

I also did some shopping (see purchase of tinted moisturizer) and officially had to size up in J. Crew for like the first time ever.  It is distressing me much more than it really should be, also because now I know the two pairs of shorts I bought last year definitely won’t fit right now.  I really have no idea why I keep getting so fat, I work out like a crazy person, and really do watch what I eat.  I don’t get it, and I’m on the verge of having a breakdown.  This is week 3 of following the plan the gym trainer made for me, so hopefully I notice some changes soon or I probably will lose it.

After spending lots of money and wandering the city for hours, I headed down to the airport to retrieve my sister and she treated me to a late dinner at Bonefish to thank me for picking her up.  I hit the road back to VA around 6:30 last night, and after sitting in ridiculous amounts of traffic in MD, finally made it home around 10:30.  It was a long and infuriating drive.

Back to the grind today, with lots to do, but hey next week is Memorial Day weekend and I have a 4 day one as well as my best friends wedding! Let the countdown  begin! How were your weekends?