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Yup, Still Depressed

So, I haven’t blogged about anything really break-up related in a while and there’s a reason for that. Pretty much everything is exactly the same as it was two and a half months ago. I still am half owner of a house I will never live in, still waiting to get my money back, and I still struggle to get through just about every day of the living hell that is my life. I’m still sad, all of the time (I cried in the middle of a restaurant last week), and I nearly have a panic attack every time my phone makes a noise because I’m afraid it might be a text coming from him, and they usually don’t say anything nice or uplifting.

I’ve logged onto the Verizon website numerous times and put his number onto the “block” list, but I haven’t been able to pull the trigger and hit submit.  I also realized, after going on about 4 dates, that I am definitely not ready to be dating anyone. Number one clue was that I was inadvertently dodging any kind of contact and cringing if it happened. So that’s on hold until I can actually feel emotions besides rage and sadness again. A friend asked me how I was doing the other day, and the best answer I could come up with was “depends on the day, anywhere from train wreck to fine.”  I really think that’s the only answer right now, and I want to feel better than “fine” someday soon.

Despite the cloud of depression constantly hovering over me these days, I still managed to have a fun weekend. Just like last year, the roommates and I threw a family BBQ that involved lots of wine and delicious food.  Photo montage coming at you in 3…2…1…

Hopefully the ridiculous faces I’m making in the pictures help counteract the depressing first part of this post. Happy Monday?

Another Round

I went on another date last night. Different guy, same first date nerves as before though. This one also went pretty well. The guy was nice, funny, and we hit it off conversation wise. I don’t recall any awkward silences. He even stood up from the table when I came back from the bathroom, which confused me at first since it’s something I’m very much not used to. He walked me to my car at the end of the evening, and gave me a polite hug. It was fine.

Which is why I’m mad at myself for going home and thinking about how I miss my ex. How do you miss someone who did something so terrible, and said so many mean things to you? It makes me feel like an idiot to be laying in bed at night, missing him; because really only an idiot would miss someone who did that to them. Obviously I got tons of sleep last night and am feeling refreshed and well-rested today.

Anyway. The rest of my weekend was pretty uneventful. Stayed in on Friday night eating Thai food in my pajamas and watching Dawson’s Creek on Netflix, hung out with Kacy and her fiance for a little bit on Saturday watching the OU game, and went out yesterday to watch some NFL games.

I actually only have three days in the office this week before I head back up to Pennsylvania yet again for a long weekend. My friend Ashley is getting married on Friday, and I can’t wait to celebrate.  I hope you all had a good weekend, happy Monday!

Friday Music Faves

*I’ve been awake since 3 am, so to me this seems like a fun and interesting post, if I’m wrong I apologize.*

If a random stranger were to scroll through the list of “Top 25 Most Played” songs on my iPod, they might recommend I be placed under psychiatric observation.  It is not a list full of happy and uplifting songs, but then I’m not exactly in a happy and uplifting mood most days.

In the first few weeks after my break-up I avoided the radio, particularly the country music station, and found a few songs on my iPod to circulate on repeat.  It’s no secret that artists write songs based on their own experiences and heartbreak, and I seriously felt like everyone was written for me. Side note, my ex gets annoyed when I blog about our breakup, I guess he’s lucky I’m not Taylor Swift amiright?  Anyway so these are the songs that helped me through the first few weeks/month so that I didn’t drive off a cliff.

Sarah Evans – A Little Bit Stronger
Easy – Rascall Flats and Natasha Bedingfield (I actually had to pull over and cry to this one a drive home from PA)
You and Tequila– Kenny Chesney
Best Thing I Never Had – Beyonce
I Feel Pretty/Unpretty – Glee (shut up)
Love the Way You Lie– Eminem
Wide Awake – Katie Perry
Come Over – Kenny Chesney (ok hello sexy video)
Wasted – Carrie Underwood
What Do You Want – Jarrod Nieman

All of those songs have recently been replaced by the entire Maroon 5 album, Overexposed.  I’m pretty sure Adam Levine and I are soul mates, because he really gets me, and every song expresses exactly how I feel at some point of the day.  That or he wrote the entire album post break-up from his VS supermodel gf.  Seriously though Adam, call me? Maybe?  No lie I listen to the album in full at least 4 times a day, every song is that good.  These are just my absolute favorites though.

One More Night (I also watch that video 120387 times a day)
Payphone (Another video I watch in excess)
Beautiful Goodbye
Wipe Your Eyes
Wasted Years

Oh and just because it’s not a break up music pity party without some T Swizzle, you know this is on my playlist, haha.  Like ever.