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A Case of the Sads

So, it’s safe to assume that anytime I go missing from here for an extended period of time it’s because I’m having some sort of mental meltdown. I haven’t blogged since last Thursday, which I think in the nearly three years I’ve been doing this, is a record.  Do with that information what you will.  Because internalizing my issues just makes me a nasty bitch, I thought I’d finally talk about them here.  But the main point is just this, I am very unhappy.

I hate the way I look right now, and cringe at almost every picture I see of myself.  This wouldn’t bother me so much if I wasn’t working out 4 days a week and eating nothing but grilled chicken, vegetables, greek yogurt, egg whites, and fruit.  Seriously, I eat so well, work out a lot but cannot seem to lose a single pound.  If anything I just keep putting them on.  It is the single most frustrating thing, and I’m really about to lose all hope.  I feel disgusting in my body and avoid mirrors.  Yup.

I do not look forward to coming home at the end of the day.  Maybe there’s a certain age when everyone gets too old for roommates, and maybe 27 is that age for me.  I tend to stay at work until 6:30 at night, whether it’s actually at my desk or in the gym, just to put my arrival home at the end of the day as late as possible. I feel uncomfortable in my own home, and like I have to walk on egg shells not to annoy anyone.  I’d go home every weekend, or somewhere else at least, if I didn’t have the cat back with me now.  She hates the car.

Compounding my sadness about my current living situation is the fact that I now officially have somewhere to live that I’d much rather be, but can’t.  Darren is getting all moved in and settled and painting things, and buying things, and I get pictures of it.  Our bedroom is painted and has furniture and I can’t be there to see it or use it.  Sure I’ll be there in a week for a visit, but then I’ll leave again for two months before I can go back again.  It’s my first house too, and I want to be able to be there to fix things up and see it and make decisions regarding paint colors and furniture.  Instead I just shop online and ship things there, and it’s not that fun.

I know most of these things will take care of themselves eventually, but when I think about trying to get through 6-8 more months I want to curl up in a ball and cry.  Anyway, thanks for indulging my complaints.  I do have some pictures, which are fun, so let’s take a look.

The benefits of your S/O being a professional painter, free painting! That ceiling fan already has a replacement, it’s black.

I realize those paint colors look a little blue, but they’re not.  We used Sherwin Williams City Scape below the chair rail and Sherwin Williams Argos above.

Furniture in the room

I posted about the furniture we chose already, but now you can see it in the actual room.  I initially didn’t want it under the window, but it fits the best this way, and with the headboard we have actually works because it still lets in the light.  The furniture is also black, and do I wish we had white trim and windows? Yes, unfortunately I lost the battle to paint the trim in the entire house. Sigh. Oh, and patio furniture!

I know the orange cushions may look a little ugly, but I’m convinced they won’t be that bright in person, and if they are, well it was $399 for all of that so we can buy new cushions.  Anyway, so that’s what I’ve got for you today.  Sorry for being such a downer after having gone missing for a week.  Happy Thursday?