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What I Know

So, it’s been 11 days since Darren broke up with me.  Since then there was my yearly weekend at the beach, my 27th birthday, and a trip up to PA to be with my mom and sister to celebrate both our birthdays.  Obviously none of those things were as fun and exciting as I initially thought they would be.

As far as what happened goes, I really couldn’t tell you, because I’m still trying to wrap my head around it myself.  How things went from Darren standing in front of me during my visit in June telling me, “I want to write our own vows for our wedding because I have so many nice things I want to say to you in front of people we know,” to “This isn’t going to work, I won’t be happy with you.”  I don’t know.  He also already unfriended me on Facebook, because he doesn’t want to see my “gay and annoying” fb updates about being sad.

Something I’ve also discovered during the past 11 days?  He was planning a whole giant proposal for when I was going to be out there next month.  Not only was my sister flying out for it, but my mom and aunt and uncle as well. I also know how much my engagement ring was going to cost, because apparently that was something he felt the need to tell me.

So now we’re faced with the arduous task of him returning all the money I put into the house to me, and trying to get my name off the mortgage and title.  The amount of money has been figured out, but the mortgage is still something we’re trying to figure out.  It’s a pain in the ass.

Some of the things I’m struggling with the most are feeling like a complete idiot and fool for trusting him and buying a house with him when we weren’t married, and blogging.  One of the things he also told me was that my blogging annoyed him, and sharing everything we do with complete strangers on the internet was stupid.  That our life should have just been for us.  I don’t know.  It’s still all very fresh and painful.

Finally, I want to say thanks to everyone that came out of the woodwork and commented on my last post.  You all really helped when I was feeling so sad and hurt, it always helps knowing you’re not alone in feeling the way you do.  So, I’ll be around. It may not be as frequent as it used to be, but I’ll still try to check in.

I ❤ you all.

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20 Responses

  1. We may only be imaginary internet friends, but I feel for you. I am in a similar situation, and it is not easy. Keep your head up and don’t stop blogging, getting imaginary internet friend support can be helpful.

    Kelly

  2. I’m one of your “woodwork” readers. What can I say: been there – done that. Here is my advice / pearls of wisdom: Anyone who doesn’t appreciate how much a broken heart sucks – hasn’t had one. Take these life lessons & learn from them. I can almost promise that you will find someone else & he will be better fit, you can’t see it now, but it’s true. The boys we date when we’re young, are often not the men we spend our lives with & that’s a good thing.

  3. As I am reading this and commenting again for the only the 2nd time ever, I can not for the life of me wrap my head around how a man thinks.. It is totally crazy to me, that he has made and had other people make plans for your engagement and then call everything off.. it’s f’n amazing to me.. I am sooo sorry that you have to go through this, sorting out all of the house stuff while trying to mend a broken heart is like throwing salt in an open wound.. I can tell you are a strong, amazing women and you will move forward and your life will be amazing.. it just sucks that you have to go through this at all… please don’t stop blogging.. we all love hearing your stories and thank you for letting us be part of your life 🙂

  4. Sometimes things like this just don’t make sense. You can try and figure it out all you want, but you won’t be able to. How he can change his mind about everything so quickly, I don’t get it either.
    My heart is breaking for you. The situation just sucks, and there’s no way around that. You’ll get through it though, and you’ll be alright. You’re tough.
    And if you ever do need to talk, I’m always here. Heartbreak is kind of my specialty.

  5. Grrr, my comment wouldn’t post and now it’s deleted. Long story short, I fucking love you and people who hurt you should lose a nut. I don’t get him at all, but I know it’s his loss.

  6. He doesnt make sense at all but you know it wasnt you and it is his loss. I hope everything with the house goes by fast so you can get far away from that situation and start to move on.

  7. I am so sorry Kelly. I really hate him right now. Like really freaking hate him. You are such a sweet person who deserves so much out of life. Please don’t let this break your spirit. Be sad, grieve in whatever way you need to but please in the end don’t stop being you.

  8. I’m also a long-time reader, first time commenter. One of the things I love about your blog is the parallelism of our lives: I’m also from the Philly area and now live in NoVA (Alexandria). So all the stuff you talk about when you’re in Philly OR at your current home, I totally get!

    At any rate, I know how you feel, girl. Please don’t feel like an idiot – it sounds like he took great pains to hide his true feelings from you, and that’s his fuck up, not yours. He out and out deceived you, and for that he should be very ashamed of himself.

    Please don’t stop blogging – you obviously enjoy it and he no longer gets a say in your wonderful life. You seem to have such an amazing family and circle of friends and a great online following as well – you deserve to pursue the things that make you happy without having to worry about his judgement.

    I’m probably leaving you with a really dorky first impression of myself, but I’m just feeling so hurt for you right now. Hang in there, girly. You deserve so much better.

  9. Another long time reader, first comment–I just wanted to echo others comments, you are awesome and you deserve (and will find) much better. I am sending you lots of love and strength (and if I could find a way, wine!)

  10. The confusing, stupid, empty explanations are THE WORST. My ex broke up with me the day I returned home from a vacation — actually on the way home from the airport. He said, “I just want to live alone… be by myself. You’re not right for me.” (this after we’d lived together for 2 years and I’d been WAY too supportive/understanding but that’s neither here nor their) OK? So tell me what flipped that switch? To be honest, after SEVERAL years of trying (ugh — embarassing) to win him back, therapy, mind games and meds, I can say it truly was a blessing in disguise. Back when it first happened and people would try to make me feel better, I wanted to ram their “there’s someone else out there for you…” “it gets easier” right up their asses. Okay, I’m sure it does but right now I just want to get drunk and sleep til this nightmare is over. Anyway, as someone who has been at rock bottom (really — I mean it), had financial attachments to someone and thought it was forever… it sucks so so so so bad. But you are a cool chick and you’ll figure it out and (insert annoying advice you’ve heard 344756 times here — because in actuality, it’s probably true). Keep your chin up lady (even if it’s cause you’re chugging a beer/glass of wine/taking a shot).

  11. I am so baffled by all of this. All I can say is don’t let that dick make you feel bad about ANYTHING – blogging, whatever. It’s your life to do what you want with it, and you’re a fabulous person and next time you’re in PA please let me know. We can drink and eat crappy food and you can bitch as much as you’d like.

    Seriously.

    It’s gonna suck to hear this, but there is a reason for it. It’ll all work out in the end…something 10x better is watiing for you.

  12. My heart breaks for you, I can’t even imagine how much all this money and mortgage bullshit sucks on top of losing someone you thought you’d spend your life with. BUT, you have so many awesome and amazing people in your life who love you (*AHEM*) 😉 And like I said before, I promise it will get easier every day. And anytime you need to get away I have a guest room with your name on it ❤

  13. I am another one of those “woodwork” readers. I am also living in NOVA, so I love reading your blog. I am SO incredibly sorry for what you are going through. In time you will be better and stronger because of this (shitty) experience, but until then, there is wine and cookie dough! Much love!

  14. I’m still just so floored by this. My heart aches for you. What I tell myself to get through hard times is that everything happens for a reason. I know it’s rough, I’ve been there & don’t wish heartache on anyone. Just seems like it came out of left field. It sucks balls that he couldn’t be man enough to give you a reason. I really hope you continue to blog, but obviously I respect your choice if you don’t. It will get easier & you have a lot of support. Hugs!!!

  15. first time commenter, long-time reader…especially love your blog because I miss DC so much (born and raised there!)

    so…i wish i could say i don’t know exactly the pain you’re feeling but i do. it doesn’t surprise me that he would try to throw things back to make you feel it’s your fault (facebook, blogging)…that’s a total defense mechanism to try to somehow make him feel less guilty. at the end of the day, it’s his awful choice he will live with and you will be able to move on to your new life, which will be good, i’m sure of it.

    take care!

  16. Stay busy, keep us updated, and let your loyal blog readers know if there’s anything we can do to make your life a little easier.

  17. I am so sorry, Kelly. The whole situation doesn’t make sense. I don’t know why guys act like that. You know, if he is going to be this way, then he is not worth your time. You deserve to be with someone who is going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Stay strong! I am here if you need someone to talk to and if you come back to PA, I’m always around to talk.

  18. Kelly –

    This is my second comment ever but I am so so sorry about what you are going through. I have been following your blog for so long and my heart is just breaking for you. Stay strong girl 🙂 You are incredible and I know amazing things are ahead for you.

    Jenny

  19. Back out of the woodwork again. I really am so sorry, this just sounds so awful and I know the confusion/anger/pain etc is almost unbearable. I actually started reading your blog when I was going through a breakup years ago (my then BF of 2 years broke up with me SO unexpectadly — so much so that all my friends guareenteed he’d be running back since we were talking about marriage and our lives together). We didn’t get back together. It was a rough year but at the same time one of my best times of my life — focused on myself, my friends, my career, etc and a year later I met my now fiance, and I can honestly say it was for the best – in sooo many ways.

    No matter what happens, just know you have so many blog readers who care about you and to take some time and focus on you and have faith that everything (as shitty as it can be) happens for a reason. I’m thinking positive thoughts for you and I really hope you lean on your friends and family during all of this 🙂

  20. I just now saw this and I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am to hear this news. I don’t have any deep words of wisdom for you- only that I’ve been there and understand how real and shitty heartbreak is. The one thing that my dad has always told me that helps is, “this too shall pass”. Sounds trite, but it has really helped me to remember that the pain does eventually fade. Sending you a big hug.

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