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Anatomy of a Broken Heart

Whoever said a broken heart isn’t a real physical condition, has never had their heart broken. To me, there is no worse feeling, than the one that comes after a complete and utter soul crushing heartbreak. The symptoms are real. First, there’s the entire body pain. It feels like someone has hit you with a bus, then stabbed you in the chest, and is keeping you alive without pain medication. just for kicks. Everything hurts, it hurts to breath, to sit, to stand, to laugh, to smile. Most of the time all that’s possible is a blank stare. Then there is the weight. The entire weight of the world on your shoulders. You’re suddenly struck with the inability to stand up straight, and walk around hunched over looking at the ground. You sit at your desk with your head in your hands, wondering if you can get away with just laying it down. There’s no point in trying to control the spontaneous tears because they come quickly and without warning.  Your eyes burn from the saltiness of your tears, and you can’t imagine they could possibly get any puffier. Finally, the insomnia. All you want to do is sleep, and have time pass you by, but all you can do is lay awake thinking. If you do manage to fall asleep, you wake up an hour or two later, mind racing. Eventually you just become this heartbroken, hunched over, zombie. A shell of your former self, wondering whatever happened to the person you used to be and how it was possible that you got to this point. When you’re in that deep, it’s impossible to see to the other side, to imagine that it can get better, to think you won’t always feel like you’re dying from the inside out. It just hurts, so damn much. Especially when you have placed your complete trust and faith in someone to never leave you or hurt you.  You can’t imagine how someone who once said they would love you forever can be saying the terrible things they’re saying now.  The betrayal is real, the heartbreak is real, it’s all real. It’s all awful.

28 Responses

  1. EEP! I hope you are okay after reading this I’m a little worried xx

  2. Unfortunately I know exactly the pain you’re writing about and how bad it is. I can only hope things turn around and everything gets better for you soon

  3. OMG! I always read your blog, but don’t comment often. I hope you’re ok. I am in shock that you and Darren broke up!! Hugs to you. It’s definitely a rough road.

  4. I rarely comment (but always read)…I really hope you’re OK. Heartbreak is by far the hardest thing to deal with. 😦 Thinking good thoughts for you

  5. I am so so so sorry 😦 I hope you’re alright. I wish I could hug you!! Hope things look up soon girl

  6. I am so sorry, Kelly. I hope you are alright! Heartbreak is a horrible pain to deal with. Stay strong! I hope things get better for you asap.

  7. I read your blog every single day and I Loved seeing the pictures of the house and you and Darren and I was so excited for you guys, I kept thinking how romantic and how awesome that you guys were making the long distance thing work, I’m not sure what happened and if you never explain, I’m sure we would all understand.. but please know that my heart breaks for you and I am thinking about you, and praying that everything works out for you guys, especially after everything you have gone through together to get the house !!!!

  8. It is real. It is physical. I am so sorry Kelly. I want to hug you, Just feel how you need to feel and do the things you need to do. Nothing is right, nothing is wrong. Just do whatever you need right now. Love to you.

  9. I heart you. You know this, but I will continue to badger you from afar since I can’t be there to cuddle with you on an air mattress. 🙂 I promise we’ll get through this. xoxo

  10. Kelly I have been reading your blog for a while and I am so so sorry. I have been there and know how you feel. Stay strong and I hope things get better soon – you are amazing.

  11. girl..this shit sucks. no way around it. and nothing to do except one foot in front of the other (and a little vodka and a little wine and a little cookie dough or whatever).

  12. Sooo sorry to hear this, and for the heartbreak you are going through! I hope everyday becomes a little better, with some glimpse of hope.

  13. Oh Kelly, I am so, so sorry. There really is nothing that compares to a broken heart. It’s just completely soul crushing. I wish there was something I could say. Just know I’m thinking about you, and if you want to have a virtual drinking party, I’m in.

  14. That is is exactly how it feels and I’m so, so, so sorry you’re hurting like that. You don’t deserve it and I wish I could take it all away.

  15. I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel, just have faith that it will EVENTUALLY get better. I promise. Everything happens for a reason and for some reason this is the path that you’re on, but I swear you will get through it. You know I’m here for you for whatever you need!! xoxoxo

  16. After the insomnia, prepare for the feeling that you should sleep for 22 hours at a time — I’m in that phase of heartbreak right now, and it sucks. It all does really. If you feel the need to commiserate with a stranger, send a message my way.

  17. read your blog all the time but have never commented before. i know the feeling and it is AWFUL. words can’t describe. wish i could say something to help you ❤

  18. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s going on but I can infer….my only advice is to let yourself feel what you need to feel. Get it out of your system and don’t feel bad about it.

    : (

  19. kelly i’ve been reading your blog for a while, not sure if i’ve ever commented but i felt compelled to this time. i am so sorry. all i can say is this is the time to show your courage, your bravery, in face of all your sadness and heart ache, to get out of bed and continue to live your life as you see fit. this may have knocked you down, but i know that you will get back up as a stronger person. we’re all rooting for you, girl. ❤

  20. As someone who has been there by your side for a decade now, experiencing love and loss with you, my heart breaks that you are in this much pain. I know you are a strong person, and you will get through this no matter how it ends. Ben and I love you so much, and please know if there is anything we can do, we will be there in a heartbeat for you. ❤

  21. I read you blog often, but also don’t comment a lot, but I wanted to tell you that I am so sorry and my heart goes out to you.

  22. I am so sorry, Kelly! I have been reading your blog forever, but have never commented. I have missed your posts recently and was hoping everything was okay. I really hope your friends are taking good care of you and bringing you lots of vodka! If not, let me know…I am in VA too and know what heartbreak feels like 😦 Stay strong, you WILL get through it!

  23. I’m sending lots of love your way, sweets. What you described is exactly how I felt when my bf broke up with me and said that he didn’t know if he could marry me (after 7 years?). Keep reaching out to people, but don’t force yourself out of it either. The down feelings are very real and very valid for what you are going through. And I also recommend a trip to get out of dodge. It’s doing wonders for my mental state. ❤

  24. Heartbreak was the most debilitating physical pain I experienced. I felt like my breath had been sucked out of my chest. The exhaustion, everything hurting, the anxiety… I seriously thought I was, well, dying. I honestly do not wish that feeling upon anyone and hope that in your time of despair, you have people to surround yourself with… in the end, that’s the only thing that got me up out of my bed. Thinking of you.

  25. I’m so sorry.

  26. Hi Kelly, I very rarely comment and don’t know what compels me to do so now because I am so utterly at a loss for words. My heart goes out to you. You seem like such a cool and funny gal – who deserves the best.

  27. I’m so sorry Kelly. 😦

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