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A Case of the Sads

So, it’s safe to assume that anytime I go missing from here for an extended period of time it’s because I’m having some sort of mental meltdown. I haven’t blogged since last Thursday, which I think in the nearly three years I’ve been doing this, is a record.  Do with that information what you will.  Because internalizing my issues just makes me a nasty bitch, I thought I’d finally talk about them here.  But the main point is just this, I am very unhappy.

I hate the way I look right now, and cringe at almost every picture I see of myself.  This wouldn’t bother me so much if I wasn’t working out 4 days a week and eating nothing but grilled chicken, vegetables, greek yogurt, egg whites, and fruit.  Seriously, I eat so well, work out a lot but cannot seem to lose a single pound.  If anything I just keep putting them on.  It is the single most frustrating thing, and I’m really about to lose all hope.  I feel disgusting in my body and avoid mirrors.  Yup.

I do not look forward to coming home at the end of the day.  Maybe there’s a certain age when everyone gets too old for roommates, and maybe 27 is that age for me.  I tend to stay at work until 6:30 at night, whether it’s actually at my desk or in the gym, just to put my arrival home at the end of the day as late as possible. I feel uncomfortable in my own home, and like I have to walk on egg shells not to annoy anyone.  I’d go home every weekend, or somewhere else at least, if I didn’t have the cat back with me now.  She hates the car.

Compounding my sadness about my current living situation is the fact that I now officially have somewhere to live that I’d much rather be, but can’t.  Darren is getting all moved in and settled and painting things, and buying things, and I get pictures of it.  Our bedroom is painted and has furniture and I can’t be there to see it or use it.  Sure I’ll be there in a week for a visit, but then I’ll leave again for two months before I can go back again.  It’s my first house too, and I want to be able to be there to fix things up and see it and make decisions regarding paint colors and furniture.  Instead I just shop online and ship things there, and it’s not that fun.

I know most of these things will take care of themselves eventually, but when I think about trying to get through 6-8 more months I want to curl up in a ball and cry.  Anyway, thanks for indulging my complaints.  I do have some pictures, which are fun, so let’s take a look.

The benefits of your S/O being a professional painter, free painting! That ceiling fan already has a replacement, it’s black.

I realize those paint colors look a little blue, but they’re not.  We used Sherwin Williams City Scape below the chair rail and Sherwin Williams Argos above.

Furniture in the room

I posted about the furniture we chose already, but now you can see it in the actual room.  I initially didn’t want it under the window, but it fits the best this way, and with the headboard we have actually works because it still lets in the light.  The furniture is also black, and do I wish we had white trim and windows? Yes, unfortunately I lost the battle to paint the trim in the entire house. Sigh. Oh, and patio furniture!

I know the orange cushions may look a little ugly, but I’m convinced they won’t be that bright in person, and if they are, well it was $399 for all of that so we can buy new cushions.  Anyway, so that’s what I’ve got for you today.  Sorry for being such a downer after having gone missing for a week.  Happy Thursday?

11 Responses

  1. Hang in there girl, I think you’re just in a transition period and ready for the next step in your life. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, so just try and make the most out of things as they are now, and I promise it will go by quickly! And you are a sexy bitch, stop being so hard on yourself!

  2. I’m sorry life is kind of a bummer right now 😦 At least you know your living situation is temporary!

    As for the weight loss, I’ve DEFINITELY been there. It’s so freaking frustrating. I know for me, actually eating a little more than I was helped. Like the scale was STUCK for months, and then I added an extra 300ish calories into my diet, and the weight finally started to peel off. It’s also way harder when you’re so close to where you want to be, you know?

    Hang in there! you can do it!!

  3. When you have such an exciting light at the end of the tunnel, the time getting from one point to the other is seriously the worst. But it’s only temporary! And you’ll get an extended weekend to be there in the house and see how much it’s coming together! No worries!

    The bedroom is really starting to look lovely. 🙂

  4. I hate the way I look too. It’s really becoming an issue. So I relate.
    I hope the next few months fly by for you so you can get started in your new life. Although, I’ll miss you. Sniff.

  5. Honestly, I would have a really hard time not being able to live in my first house too. You’ve got so many exciting things coming, and having to wait to be able to really enjoy them would be a total bastard.
    But, on the bright side, at least you have something to look forward to.

    As for the weight thing, I’m having the same problem and it freaking sucks. But, you look awesome – and I wouldn’t tell you that if it wasn’t true. You have a hot body, don’t be so hard on yourself.

  6. I read you blog all the time but don’t comment often but wanted to today. Hang in there!

    I know how frustrating feeling down about yourself can be. Honestly, I think that can play a role in your attitiude about everything in life. I think stress can definitely have an effect on your body/weight loss and between feeling down, feeling uncomfortable at your own home and feeling stuck where you are when all you want is to be somewhere else. I’m really sorry 😦

    It sounds like no matter what you have to stay at your job for the next 6 months or so. That being the case maybe it’s time to make a few changes that will help you get through the next months in a more positive way. First, can you spice up your workouts to be a little different? (Different types of classes or more high intensity?) Can you meet with a trainer or a nutrionist? Could you get a second part-time job? (I know that sounds stressful, but it would give you some extra cash, keep you out of the house and potentially have you meet some fun people to make the time pas.) Can you plan out your next trips to Darren so you have them to look forward to? (At least one every 4-6 weeks?)

    I have no idea if any of that will help and sorry for the novel, but 6-8 months is doable! Just hang in there and remember at the end of the next few months you’ll be in your first house, with you guy and so happy! 🙂

  7. I’m seriously in the SAME position as you. First of all, I pretty much have hated my body and every single picture of myself for several years now but that’s neither here nor there. I get SO frustrated that even when I kick up the working out and eating better, I still don’t see results. Just today I was trying on shoes and in the mirror thought I was looking at my mother’s cankles… oh wait, nope that’s me.

    And along the samsies lines, my boyfriend and I are currently looking for a house. We are just about on number 30 now and I’m just getting so discouraged (if it were solely up to me we would have bought #5). The hardest part is that we too live separately and I also have a roommate and at 28, I am SO OVER IT. I dread coming home because I anticipate being pissed off by everything… honestly things that never bothered me before, bother the hell out of me these days. I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel but now I just feel like I’m wishing time away and well, that sucks too because nobody should wish time away.

    Anyway, I guess that wasn’t helpful but if you figure how the hell to make it not seem so shitty please let me know.

    (For a happier tune, I love the new furniture!)

  8. Kel, you know I love you more than life itself, and I feel absolutely so frustrated being so far away and unable to help you! I understand all of your frustrations, and as you can see from all of the comments here today, you are certainly not alone in any of the issues you are currently dealing with in your life. I think this time in our lives its just part of the cycle. You’ve hit the moment where you know you are turning the corner, and you just have to get yourself completely around it to start feeling better. On the bright side, you have the other side to look forward to! Stay positive and remember to be happy you have a great man who loves you and is waiting for you and making your home look amazing just so you can move into it.

    And, importantly, keep blogging about it! Clearly you have a crazy awesome support system here, and it helps sometimes just to know you aren’t the only one feeling this way. You know I certainly feel the same way over 1,000 miles away from my husband and about to make it 9,000 more. But, just like you have to, I have to keep reminding myself I can do just about ANYTHING for 6 more months…..

    Love you to pieces!

  9. I’m so sad to see that you are sad. I have had weight issues since high school. Just try to remember that a couple (or a lot in my case) of extra pounds don’t make you who you are. I hope that things turn around for you soon. It’s such a cheesy saying but it is true…what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I have been throuh a tough couple of years, and thought it is not over yet, my husband and I are stronger for going through it together.

    Keep your chin up,

    Kelly from Indy

  10. Hang in there Kelly. I know it is hard. Keith and I did long distance for a year and even after we got married it took about 6 months to get a job in Austin so he kept his job in Dallas. It was so frusterating to be married and not living together. But keep your head up…the end is in sight.

    As for the weight gain…have you ever thought about getting your thyroid checked. I had the same problem…ate so great, worked out all the time and yet I kept GAINING weight. I was so depressed and frusterated over it. I made an appointment with my regular doctor who suggested maybe I get my thyroid checked. He referred me to an endocrinlogist who tested me and found out I had hypothyroidism. I have to take medicine (that I will need to take for the rest of my life) but it helps and eventually the weight came off and I started feeling like my old self again…just some food for thought. There are other symptoms too and if you ever want to talk about it just email me. 🙂

  11. I’m sorry you’re so down. It sucks. Your new bedroom does look beautiful though and you’ll be enjoying it soon enough! And as far as the weight- I WISH I had your legs so I could wear short shorts like you! I hit a 3 week plateau one time- all healthy eating, all working out…finally I said fu@k it…and I ate about 3000 calories in one meal. I woke up the next day a pound lighter. Go figure. Maybe you just need to shake it up? Hang in there!!

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