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That Time I Lost My Shit, at Harris Teeter

Ooooh boy, do I have a fun story for all of you today, haha, but first let’s talk about some things regularly featured here.  Sorry for the disappearing act, but I had nothing interesting to say yesterday, and I say if you have nothing interesting to say, don’t say anything.  I supposed I could have just posted 300 pictures of me holding my arm out in front of me while doing something, but I don’t roll like that.

Anyway, I made it back to VA on Monday without much trouble, and even stopped at Target on the way to pick up a frame for all the old school pictures of Darren and I that I brought back with me.  I was having way too much fun looking at them, so decided to make a “through the years” photo collage, yeah I’m gay, whatever.

2001-2011

Yesterday, because I missed Monday, I was absolutely slammed at work.  I got up to pee, heat up lunch, and fill up my water bottle, and that’s it.  I did finally make it to the gym once the work day ended though, and you know who’s out of running shape?  I’ll give you a hint, it’s me.  I did about 3.5 miles in 37 minutes and thought I was going to cry, time to get my ass in gear.  The run was followed by a 10 minute cool-down on the elliptical, and some abs and push-ups.

Now, on to the good stuff.  Darren called me while I was driving home from the gym, and the convo started out innocently enough.  We were simply discussing whether or not it made sense to pay off one of my school loans in full right now, or keep paying the monthly payment, and by we I mean me because I pay those myself.

Somehow this turned into a conversation about how I still had the exact same amount of money in my savings account that I did 8 months ago, and him asking me how was that possible.  Then that somehow turned into Darren lecturing me for the 1,083,473 time about how I was not as good at saving money as he is. (Can you see where this is going?)  There was much discussion back and forth about how, yes I had taken some money out of my savings to pay for things, but I was still putting a lot into it every month especially considering how much I pay in rent and bills also.  All he kept telling me was how much he put into savings this year… good for him.

By this time I was sitting in the grocery store parking lot, still on the phone, and trying to explain to my boyfriend that just because I didn’t save $30,000 this year, it doesn’t mean that I’m broke and going to end up making us bankrupt someday.  It was at this point we were both becoming slightly irrational and saying things that made no sense whatsoever, like him telling me that I shop EVERY week and send him a picture of something new I bought.  Not true, the last time I went shopping was a month ago.

I finally admitted to him, that yes, with moving to a new place, getting adjusted to a new salary, I may have gotten a little out of control with spending money a few months ago, but I was working on it.  I thought that would pretty much be the end of it, so I got out of my car and went into the store.  Unfortunately, it was not, and all he said was, “Well, so now it makes it ok because you said I was right?  I still work so much harder than you at putting money away, and working towards a goal of you moving here.”  So yeah, that didn’t help calm my temper down at all.

Then the speaker system in the store went off, and he asked me what that was, and I was like oh I’m in the grocery store.  You know what he said then?  “Don’t buy wine.”  Ya’ll, that was it, I lost, my, shit.  I’m somewhat embarrassed of the things that came out of my mouth in public, and I may or may not have told Darren that he only saves more money than me because he has no life and hates fun.  Oops.  There were curses, and yelling, and I told him to stop lecturing me like I was a 10 year-old fucking idiot and that I am his girlfriend, not his child, and there are ways to talk to people about things like this, and this is not it.  Then I remembered I was in the produce section of the grocery store.

Which is why I left the store with a container of strawberry’s, raspberry’s, blueberry’s, a package of chicken, and a jar of pasta sauce.  I’m pretty sure I can’t show my face in there for a while.  Thank god for sunglasses, because I was mortified.  I told Darren I had to get off the phone because I’d just made a fool of myself in public, the conversation would have to be continued.

And you know what, when I got home, I poured myself a giant glass of wine, and made a delicious dinner.  Talking finances with men is infuriating, I think we need a mediator.

Zucchini and squash “pasta” with tomato sauce and turkey meatballs.  I’ve definitely decided I hate those turkey meatballs btw, I think I have to stick with TJ’s brand from now on.  Oh, and that conversation is still ongoing, as soon as I respond to his last text message.  Ugh.

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28 Responses

  1. Hang in there girl. Money talk is HARD! It is a super senstitive issue for a lot of people and married couples. I will tell you that it will get even harder when you get married. That is why Keith and I maintain separate accounts. We pay our bills together and both put an agreed upon amount of money into savings and then the rest of what we each have left over is ours to do WHATEVER we want without any question from the other party. Not to souds super cold but I REALLY REALLY REALLY think that couples need to figure out how they are going to handle finances when they are married BEFORE they get married. Trust me.

  2. I don’t like finance conversations. They make me feel uncomfortable. Mostly because I don’t have much to contribute. Both in funds and conversation… waaaaah.

    Don’t men realize they feed our need to drink? It’s a situation that is out of our hands.

  3. I think its a guy thing. My husband hasn’t bought clothes willingly since 1997. But you reassured him that you’re a grownup and perfectly capable of saving money so that should be the end of it. Also, you’re not living together/sharing finances yet so it’s really none of his business how much money you save. (I would stop sending him pictures of the stuff you buy though. That’s just asking for it.)

    The part that concerns me is this: “I still work so much harder than you at putting money away, and working towards a goal of you moving here.” It sounds like he is trying to put everything on you to relieve himself of any responsibility in the relationship, and that’s just not fair. But I’m NOT saying you should go back to him and tell him all the stuff he sucks at– that can start a never-ending cycle of tit-for-tat and won’t get you anywhere. I would just drop it and don’t let him start the discussion again if he’s just going to criticize you.

    It’s probably none of my business, but I like you and that sounded like kind of a dick move on his part. I’ll take off my Dr. Phil hat now.

    • This.

      Also, you know what? And this echos what Marie said but at the end of the day it is your money. And the student loans are your debt. How you handle them is your business because shared goals are not shared finances. If you want to go out and buy wine? That’s your business. If you want to pay extra on your credit card? That’s your business. If you want to buy a new dress? Well, you get where I’m going with this.

      Shared goals are nice, but you don’t have shared finances. And until the day you do, he should not be able to tell you what to do with your money.

    • Yeah, he doesn’t have the best way of saying things, I kind of understand what he means though. He’s working to save all his money to buy things like a house and a ring, and I’m just kinda running around doing whatever with my money, but yes, not the best way to put it.

  4. I like how your “out of running shape” pace is still significantly faster than my “been training for months” pace.

    Boys are dumb. And I’ve def. been known to erupt like a volcano in not so convienent places. I keep it all inside, can’t help where I am when it finally decides to spew out, haha.

    Plus, being a girl is expensive. End of story.

  5. Scott’s dad harps on him (and indirectly me) for money stuff sometimes. He honestly just works and that’s it (he also gets overtime for swing shifts etc, we don’t). While it’d be nice to save save save to buy a house, we also want to enjoy stuff while we’re young enough. Sure, not going to Colorado for a snowboarding trip would’ve saved us a few hundred bucks, but it was an AWESOME trip. I hate talking money with people who aren’t of the same mindset, because neither will completely agree with the other’s approach. Sorry you lost it at HT! I’m sure no one would recognize you if you went back. 😎

    • Exactly, I’m not going to save just to save. Give me something to save for and sure, I’ll do it. It’s not like you can take it with you when you die!

  6. You know how I have been happily partnered/married for almost 18 years? SEPARATE CHECKING ACCOUNTS, like Kelly #1 said. We do bills every month and each of us pays our share of bills (and investments, which you have to look at the same way) and the rest is up to me and me only.

    Was this the HT on harrison street? That’s my neighborhood – sorry I wasn’t there buying oatmeal to witness it.

    • Yes, I’ve told him that once we are married we will have a joint savings and a joint checking, and then our own separate checking accounts. I don’t think there is any other way to do it. And yes, it was that HT, haha.

  7. Financial conversations are tough, and I would agree with you that saying, “I save better than you” isn’t really a productive way to have a conversation.

    Money is one of the few things that my husband and I argue about. He is forever wanting to buy a boat or some crap to go on the boat he currently has. Last night he was scheming up how he can get $2200 for a boat he found on craigslist.

    It’s good that you have these kinds of talks prior to marriage though. You can sort through things now.

    We also get stupidly irrational when we are mad and start saying crap that doesn’t make sense, and that we don’t mean. Usually my Husband is good about walking away, but I just want to keep on. I like screaming things that make no sense, it fun. 😉

    Maybe leave the conversation alone for a few days and then reapproach the subject. That way you’re both calmed down, and you can talk sensibly about what needs to get done.

  8. Well, at least you know he’s financially responsible. My ex boyfriend wasn’t. At all. So there’s one less thing for you to worry about. If it were me, I would have bought a giant bottle of wine and sent him a picture.
    Also, if it helps, I’ve had the exact same amount in my savings account for two years. Its better than nothing.

  9. Sounds a lot like my night last night, except it was my mother I was screaming at. Awesome. I drank more than one glass of wine…
    I suck at money, so if a guy started lecturing me on that it would not be pretty.

  10. I hate money talk. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Mike and I maintain our own separate accounts. We do have a joint checking and savings account for our bills and now for wedding expenses. I have a ton of college loans and he doesn’t. I am very careful with my spending while he is more apt to spend money. It’s difficult. I’m sorry that you got into a fight over all of that. I hope it gets resolved soon 🙂 There is nothing wrong with having a glass of wine to make yourself feel better.

  11. Yeesh. Money issues are the worst. And unfortunately it’s really hard to have those kinds of discussions without being “in person” because you can’t see the other person’s reactions and know when enough is enough. Plus I’m just not a fan of having serious discussions over the phone. However I realize that you guys aren’t excactly nextdoor neighbors, so I would say if you feel a heated discussion arise maybe you should stop, take a breath and skype it out. Yes that’s a verb now. I’m sure he’s just coming from a place where he cares about you and it’s actually kind of impressive that he’s looking at the finances and your future, most guys are not in that mindset in their 20s, however, he shouldn’t have yelled at you. Esp not for wine.

    • Yes, arguing on the phone just makes me yell. In person I’m much less bitchy, mostly because I find him too cute to argue with.

  12. I’ll be nice and just say that your money is your money until your married 😉

  13. Talking about money with *anyone* pretty much always sucks unless they’re offering to give you some.

    As everyone else has said…it’s your money. I’m not a fan of the way he said he was “better” at saving than you, nor of how he brought up buying wine since you were at the grocery store. Do update us on how this conversation was resolved. 😉

  14. I just found your blog and this post totally rings a bell in my relationship. I make about…. oh, 60k LESS than my BF and he is always lecturing me about putting money into savings and retirement while trying to pay my student loans of faster. Oh, and I can’t pay much in rent, but give him what I can. First he says NOT to give him money and to worry about my bills, but then when I DON’T give him money, he gives me shit.

    Men are infuriating and sometimes they just don’t get it. Glad to see you guys worked it out though.

  15. […] swiftly kicked out of that club. Now I write more of a lifestyle blog, and talk about things like, Losing my shit in the Harris Teeter produce department, the 10 year detailed history of my relationship, the trials and tribulations […]

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