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***start period talk***Thanks for all the reassurance yesterday friends, I’m sure I’m fine, but as someone who has never missed a period or even been late before you can understand why I freaked out.  I’m now resigned to the fact that it’s just not coming this month, for whatever reason that may be.  Also, this is why I refused to go on that Seasonique crap, because I’m a basket case and I couldn’t handle being like this all the time.***end period talk*** 

And now, another volume of shit my boyfriend says coming at ya.  So when I told Dar about my little dilemma with my period being a no-show and maybe possibly being knocked up.  Instead of joining me in Freak Out Town, he said this:

“I wouldn’t be upset if you were pregnant, because we’d be an amazing family with our deadly little ninja warrior.”

Um, what? I simply banged my head against the table multiple times in a row.  He seemed to completely forget the fact that we live 13 hours away from one another, and I would have to stay here ALONE for health insurance purposes.  Men.  Also there was this little gem.

“Kind of ironic since back in the fall I said we should reproduce even if we don’t end up ever getting back together.”  He thinks we’d make awesome babies apparently.

Then, as the day went on yesterday, he just kept randomly texting me “ninja assassin” so finally I asked him if he wanted me pregnant now or something.  His response?

“Possibly, with shades of grey.”

Dear lord almighty, help me, I am not letting my bc out of my sight when he is around.  He’d be one of those freaks that subs baby aspirin for the bc pills.  I know that happens because I saw it on a Lifetime movie, and those are always completely legitimate.

Then, when I asked if we could at least wait until we lived in the same state to start procreating, he said it wasn’t really up to him, it was up to my uterus.  He is a freak, and now I’m rethinking our whole relationship, for a number of reasons.  I kid, sort of.

On to less weird and interesting things.  Yesterday’s workout was 33 minutes on the elliptical followed by some stretching and abs, and yet another annoying gym conversation.  Today I am not taking my headphones out of my ears.  Oh and did I mention this new gym bff happens to be a guy that hit on me in Starbucks a few weeks ago and told me he NEVER takes a lunch to workout during the day.  I may need to change my schedule.

So hey, tomorrow’s July, which just so happens to be my favorite month of the summer because I am immature and still look forward to my birthday.  Although this one much less so than previous, 26 is a scary age to me.  Mostly I look forward to birthday debauchery at Seacrets in OCMD. Weeeeeee!  Alright, well I’m out, catch ya later.

23 Responses

  1. You could always take a pregnancy test just to ease your mind!!

  2. Seasonique scares the shit out of me too. I could be pregnant for three months and not even know it? No thank you.

  3. Ahaha I’m on Seasonique and for some reason I don’t feel weird about it. I ❤ OCMD! And I get excited about my bday, too. No reason to feel weird about that!

  4. Hahahaha! At least you know he’ll support you if you do get knocked up.

    What’s with random guys starting conversations like that? Its like my creepy neighbor, he’s in his 40s, divorced (he told me that), and constantly starts conversations when I walk by. Its like, dude, back off. I don’t want to chat it up while I’m picking up dog shit.

  5. Oh boys. Love the ninja talk and how laidback guys can be about the whole we may be bringing a baby onto the earth in less than a year. You know, one we’d be responsible for. SIGH. But good to know he’d support you (and the ninja) if you were prego!!!

  6. I just almost choked on my water I was laughing so hard. I like the sh!t he says- too funny (ninja warrior)!

    I am a hypochondriac and couldn’t bear the thought of seasonique. I like to see the monthly flow.

  7. I’m gonna have ninjas for nieces and nephews. Ugh. Our kids are not playing together 🙂

  8. Ok, so I know there’s this youtube of a little 6-yr-old or something crazy of this kid who is totally JACKED. It’s sort of hilarious and sick at the same time.

    That’s what instantly came into my head when “ninja assasin” was mentioned… lol

    However, I can’t find it at the moment and am nervous if I start to get too deep into the googling, I’ll just find really disturbing images. Sorry…

  9. Haha, I still maintain that I wouldn’t mind if you had a kid. I’d play with it lots. And get you inappropriately drunk to drown the sorrows of motherhood.

  10. Just think of the assassinating that ninja will do to it’s diapers.

  11. I know what he said can be freaky. But the ninja comment is pure gold.

  12. I don’t think I would be able to deal with that with seasonique. Maybe try switching to a different pill? I know it’s annoying but it might make you less stressed out.

    I think it’s perfectly normal to get excited about your birthday! I do with mine 🙂

  13. […] always amused me, I had no idea that you all would find the Shit My Boyfriend Says, Part I, II, III as funny as I do.  Please don’t tell him that […]

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