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Chapter 3

Throughout the spring, our relationship continued to feel strained and I began to wonder if it was a mistake to continue.  There were a lot of conversations that started with “I don’t know if I want to do this anymore,” but a full break-up never happened.  As I always used to say, I would rather fight with him then not fight with anyone else so together we stayed.  Soon it was my turn to graduate and our last summer home was upon us.

That summer brought a lot of firsts for me, first time traveling without my parents, first time getting drunk, first time throwing up from getting drunk, the first time I ran away from home, first time smoking a cigarette and the first time I really had my heart broken.  The first few weeks after graduation brought weekends filled with parties and celebrating.  I somehow ended up at my ex boyfriends party, where because of him and my one guy friend constantly refilling my cup, I ended up downing a few too many Yuengling’s.  A few hours later, I was getting driven home and trying to stumble up to bed, where I promptly threw up all over the hallway on my second floor.

Three weeks after graduation, I was off to Universal Studios with five of my high school girlfriends for Senior Week.  A whole week without parental supervision, no job to go to, and nothing to do but have fun.  We did it all that week, Universal, Islands of Adventure, Magic Kingdom, MGM, Downtown Disney, it was a fantastic week.  I sang karaoke for the first time, that was where I smoked my first cigarette, and I came home looking forward to my 18th birthday.

Things between The German and I were still feeling strained.  I was off drinking, which he didn’t like, and trying smoking when I had begged and pleaded for him to quit.  He was still the one I went to when I returned from Florida, ran away from home, and refused to go back until my mom and sister came home from vacation though.

Four days before my birthday, my mom and I went off to Virginia for Freshman orientation day at JMU.  It was amazing, and made me even more excited to start college there the next month.  When I returned home on July 16, I received a text message from The German, “Call me when you get home, I need to talk to you.”  I was still excited from my few days at JMU, didn’t think anything of it, and called him ready to begin a cheerful conversation.

I was stopped almost immediately by the words that came out of his mouth, “Kel, I can’t do this anymore.  We can’t see each other anymore.”  This conversation had taken place before, so I didn’t immediately believe he was serious and tried to talk him out of it.  He told me he’d been feeling this way for weeks, but every time he tried to break-up before he would see me getting upset and couldn’t do it.  I tried to talk him out of it, I cried and cried, but at this point he was already drinking at his house with some of his friends and didn’t want to talk anymore.  He said he’d pick me up from work the next day to talk in person.  He hung up the phone, and didn’t answer any of my calls for the rest of the night.  I spent the night crying, wondering how the boy I loved could break up with me two days before my birthday.

He did pick me up from work the next day, but his mind was made up, and our relationship was over.  The next day, in order to not make my 18th birthday the most depressing birthday of my life (it was supposed to be my golden birthday) I went and got my belly button pierced and three of my friends scooped me up and took me down the shore with them.  I drank some beers, I played and won my first game of beer pong, and a few hours later I received my first underage drinking citation.  Yup, this birthday just kept getting better and better.  After that we were out of a place to stay for the night, my ex happened to have a house down the shore all summer and came to pick us up and take him to his place after I called him.  Broken hearted and feeling lonely I acted like an idiot, and it almost ruined everything.

The following week brought much of the same kind of behavior, drinking at night with friends, feeling sad and lonely during the day at work.  At least while I was out having fun, I wasn’t thinking about how much I missed The German.  He didn’t make it easy for me to try to get over him though.  He would show up at work to have lunch with me, give me a hug and a kiss, and it felt like we were still together.  Finally, towards the end of that week I told him I couldn’t just be his friend.  That it hurt me too much to see him but not be with him, and he said that’s not what he wanted and that it hurt him to hear me say that.  I stood my ground though, and prepared for another weekend at the shore this time not just for fun.  I had a court date Friday morning to take care of that underage citation, but hey at least I was at the beach.

When I woke up that Sunday morning, I had a text message from The German and I called him when I was home from the shore that afternoon.  He had been riding his bike in the park, and saw a sunset that made him think of me and miss me, and asked me on a date to the movies.  I said yes, and that Sunday marked the beginning of us hanging out together again.  It almost all blew up in my face though, when he found out I had hooked up with someone while we were broken up.  I pulled out all the stops to apologize, I’d lost my license a month earlier because of a speeding ticket but I rode my bike all the way to his house to talk to him and beg for him to forgive me.  He did finally, and by the beginning of August we were officially back together.

On August 15, 2003 The German came to have lunch with me at work and suggested we finally have that picnic dinner we always talked about having, but never did.  He came back and picked me up at work at the end of the day, brought me home to change clothes, and we went to get our picnic food.  Naturally we stopped at WAWA to grab sandwiches (did anyone who lives in PA not live on WAWA in high school?) and drinks, and went to the park to a spot by the water we had seen before.  We sat and ate and talked, and at some point when we were finished eating The German and I leaned in for a kiss and when I pulled back, he had the open ring box in his hand.  Not having me for a few weeks made him realize how much he wanted to be with me forever, and he wanted to marry me.  That is one day of my life that I’ll never forget.

Four days later I left for college, happily engaged to the person I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.

the day I left for school

Next week, find out how it all ended a year and a half later, and really ended a year and a half after that…


14 Responses

  1. This is like a soap opera! Can’t wait to hear how it ends.

  2. Next week!! Ohh man, I wanna know! haha

  3. I have so much respect for you that you are willing and able to share such a intimate story with everyone. It really is incredible how much you have gone through dealing with this relationship you were in. I am looking forward to hearing the last part to this story. 🙂

  4. ahhh…. the lingering relationship that shouldn’t have… I seem to really love those myself. :p You really do have a little mini drama series… lol

  5. Omgosh..it’s like…I can’t wait for more!!

  6. Damn you! I woke up early to read this before work hoping to get the end of the story and now I gotta wait till Monday??? haha. PS I also did Disney for senior week. With some shore trips thrown in. And lived on WaWa.

  7. There were a lot of conversations that started with “I don’t know if I want to do this anymore,” but a full break-up never happened.

    THE WORST. And always in retrospect. Gah.

    And you’ve got me very curious to read the next part!

  8. I love this story. It reminds me so much of my own first love. Can’t wait to read the rest.

  9. Oh girl… my heart goes out to you. Hits a bit too close to home too haha

  10. This is so intriguing! Can’t wait to read the rest!

  11. What a cliffhanger – thanks for sharing!!!

  12. I am loving this story…thanks for being so open with us. This can’t be easy.

  13. Ah, I have been so out of the loop.. I’m going to have to go back and read the rest when I have time! I just wanted to stop by and say that I hope your training is going well!!

  14. […] this series of posts?  Well after not seeing each other since 2006, The German (Darren) and I finally had a […]

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